every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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