just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
