I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
