they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
