perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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