How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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