is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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