I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
