Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
