Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
