Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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