she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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