sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
