I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
