i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
