I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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