just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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