dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
