WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize