she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
