I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
