i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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