SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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