So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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