You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
