You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
