I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
