If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
