She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
