I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
