Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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