yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
