Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
