Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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