so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
