Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
