Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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