Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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