apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
