I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
