So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
