If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
