I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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