"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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