He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
