Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
