This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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