Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
