I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
