Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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