he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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