omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
