Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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