in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you have to choose: penises or morals?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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