Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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