dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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