Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
