Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
