We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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