so explain again why im purple
no
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
