I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
