bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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