Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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