its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
