Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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