I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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