so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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