he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
