i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
