Cold hands, warm shart.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
